Love Yourself With "Green Flag" Relationships

Hey folks, welcome back to my blog. We’re about to the end of February and even though I’ve been focusing on self-love this month, I couldn’t let the entire month go by without talking a little bit about relationships. Bringing positive relationships into your life is actually an excellent way to love yourself, so that’s what we’re going to explore today. Hope you enjoy!

How Do Our Relationships Reinforce Self-Love

Ok, so you first may be wondering what I mean when I say that having healthy relationships is a great way to love yourself. I’m not one who believes in the idea that we have to have achieved perfect self-love before we can love others well. As we have seen, self-love isn’t a destination to be reached. But I do believe that the quality of the relationships in a person’s life reflects how they feel about themselves. I think about it this way, if I love and value myself and my own happiness, I’m not going to let toxic relationships continue for very long. I’m going to be able to love myself enough to set healthy boundaries within relationships and even end relationships that are no longer serving me. I have also seen time and again that people with low self-esteem tend to attract people who also struggle with their self-concept and/or those who will tend to overpower or take advantage of others. I think we can agree that neither of these dynamics are hallmarks of healthy relationships. So one way to practice self-love is by looking at your relationships and seeing where there may be some work to be done.

Choosing or Creating Green Flag Relationships

You’ve probably heard many versions of how to identify “red flags” in a relationship. Many of us know what to avoid, but it can be harder to quantify what to look for as indicators of healthy relationships. The rest of this post is going to be listing and explaining several of these “green flags.” As you read through them, consider your relationships with your partner, friends, family members, etc. And see how closely they match with these qualities.

Open communication: How openly do you and this person talk to each other? Do you feel that they are being open with you or hiding or glossing over things? How deep do you feel you can go with them?

Healthy hobbies: Do they Do things? Have interests? We want people in our lives who have depth and dimension to them and who may be able to introduce us to new experiences as well.

Self-sufficiency: Can they basically take care of themselves without constantly relying on others for help? I don’t mean that they can never need help or support. Some level of interdependence is needed for bonding within relationships, but you need to feel that you can go out of town for a week and not worry that they are going to fall apart.

Honors boundaries: If you set a boundary, do they respect it even if they may not understand fully why that boundary is important to you? Or do they push past your boundaries and continue to do the things you’ve asked them not to do?

Self-responsibility: Do they take responsibility for themselves? This is similar to self-sufficiency but also can they take responsibility when they screw up and work to fix whatever the problem is? Or do they blame you or other people for their own behavior?

Supports your personal growth: This is a big one! Do they encourage and cheer you on as you work toward your own goals and dreams? Or do they (maybe subtly) tear you down or make you feel like you can’t achieve what you want to achieve.

Has long-standing friendships: Do they have other friends who have withstood the test of time? Or do they blow through relationships like a sleeve of Thin Mints? Another thing to look at when it comes to romantic partners is how they talk about their exes. If every ex-girlfriend was “crazy” maybe consider who was the common denominator in each of those relationships. Going back to self-responsibility, can they take ownership of their part in past break-ups?

Vulnerability: How willing are they to show their true selves to you? To share their true thoughts and feelings even when it is difficult?

Empathy: Can they understand where you are coming from or at least try to put themselves in your shoes? Or is it difficult for them to think outside their own experiences or perspective?

Self-reflective: Do they know themselves or are they at least on the journey of self-exploration? The more they know themselves, the less likely they are to project their own stuff onto you.

Practices self-care: And finally, do they care for themselves physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually? You want people in your life who are well resourced and know how to meet their needs when their cup is empty.

What Do You Think?

So, what are your thoughts on this list of relationship green flags? Any other ones you would add? Are you thinking about areas you want to work on in any current relationships? Or maybe you’re thinking about how to apply these concepts as you are building new friendships or looking for a new romantic partner. In any case, I hope it was helpful to take some time thinking about how the relationships we have in our lives can be mirrors for how we think and feel about ourselves.

Until next week, take good care of yourself!

Meghan