Intentions for Folks Who Had a Difficult Childhood
Hello everyone! Hope you are doing well and staying warm this January. Last week I offered some suggestions for New Year’s intentions or themes for anxious people. If that’s you, and you missed it, check it out! Today I’m focusing on another population of folks that I see in my counseling practice, those who had a difficult or traumatic childhood.
In my work I see people who experienced significant numbers of adverse childhood experiences (known as ACEs) as well as those who had “small t” traumas like difficulties with friends or siblings, negative school experiences, chronic health problems, emotionally abusive romantic relationships, or feeling invalidated at home. Both “big T” and “little t” traumas contribute to negative beliefs about ourselves, which in turn contribute to anxiety, depression, relational issues, etc. So, if you look back at your growing up years and see them as negative or traumatic, I have some suggestions for intention-setting this year.
The first theme of the year I’d put forth is LET GO. If there are things you are carrying due to past traumatic experiences, you can set an intention to let them go this year. Trust me, I realize this is way, way easier said than done. And you may want or need to enlist the help of a mental health professional to work toward this intention, but this is exactly why this is a great theme for folks who are ready to work through this tough stuff and let it go. This could be the last year that you are weighed down by the past. Think how amazing it would be to arrive in January of 2021 having self-helped or therapized your way to making peace with your past. Maybe you can’t imagine it right now. We often are not able to see the destination when we start down the road. All it takes is one step toward bettering your mental health and taking care of yourself. Other ways to work toward the intention of letting go would be reading books on trauma recovery, journaling about your experiences, going to a support group or group therapy program, starting a meditation or yoga practice, or finding other creative outlets to express your truth such as painting, sculpture, or poetry.
If letting go doesn’t appeal to you or it isn’t where you are right now, that’s ok. Maybe the theme of STABILITY would speak to you. Those who experienced chaotic or traumatic childhoods often subconsciously recreate that chaos or instability in their adult lives. If this is you, just know that it isn’t your fault! It is a common trauma response. When our brains and bodies marinate in chaos for awhile, it becomes normal, so it feels weird or like something is wrong when that chaos isn’t present. If you’d like to create more stability in your life, but that isn’t how you grew up, be prepared to feel uncomfortable. Again, I recommend journaling and mindfulness practices to work on putting words to the discomfort and learning to sit with it rather than letting it propel you into chaotic action. Also spending time thinking deeply about what aspects of your life and relationships are contributing to or detracting from your stability. Maybe there are ways to cultivate more stability by incorporating better habits or daily and weekly routines. Maybe some relationships need to go or need to be reimagined or renegotiated? You don’t have to keep living with a feeling of being constantly “stirred up”.
If any of this speaks to you, I’d love to hear about it. Feel free to comment below or private message me through my website or social media. And if you’d like more individualized support, I’m currently open for new clients. You can schedule a free consultation call via the scheduling tab.